exploring the world one story at a time
The impending New Year always makes me reflective and introspective. A little nostalgic, a little excited for a fresh start. What about you? 2018 has been a year of complicated feelings. There has been so much hope mingled with such devastating disappointment. Happiness colored by heartache. But the thing that this year, this season of …
We were discussing the pros and cons of the two insurance options our employer provides. Cost, previous experience, stress of choosing new doctors. Neither one was going to cover our fertility treatments moving forward so that wasn't an issue. I really wanted to switch providers because I didn't want to be insured by the one …
Earlier this year I felt like thirty was a freight train that was inevitably going to crash into me. I was scared of it. Terrified. Almost as if my twenties were a test I did not pass, I had failed... my dreams of being a young Hollywood Star did not come to fruition. My plans …
She wrote about how much better her life was now that she was a mom. Triggered. I was immediately angry. Bitter. Sad. Resentful. The "Why Me's" crashed over me for a few minutes, and then I pressed stop. I made myself pick apart why this particular post made me feel that way. Two years into …
One Year. One whole year since my doctor pronounced us infertile and changed our world forever. Two years of hoping and trying for a baby. 27 cycles. 5 rounds of IUI. Months of various medications. At least a dozen self administered shots. A ridiculous amount of at home ovulation and pregnancy tests. Too many uncomfortable …
At a certain age I stopped having birthday parties. Not because I didn't want them, but because I was afraid that no one would come. I don't know where this fear came from because I never had that experience. Maybe I saw it on TV? But I was completely terrified of having a party where …
We walked out of the lab and immediately tears were streaming down my face. The results of my blood test wouldn't even be in for the next hour. There was no reason for me to be crying. Dan looked at me and asked what was wrong. I told him that I didn't know. And then …
Sometimes people ask if it's hard for me to be around their kids because of our infertility... the short answer is No. I don't know if that's true for everyone facing infertility. But it's true for me. It does not upset me to be around and love on your children. They are so uniquely them, …
I keep waiting for the happy ending. The triumphant victory of two hard won pink lines that leads to joy with our loved ones and concludes with a gorgeous baby of our own. It hasn't happened yet. We are still in the middle. The messy middle of no. The never ending cycle of grief. The …
It's Infertility Awareness Week (April 22nd - 28th). And if you've been reading my blog, I'm sure you are aware that my husband and I are going through infertility. But I felt like this week was a good time to share a little more about what that really means. So, I chatted with a few …
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