I’m not going to have a baby in 2019

We were discussing the pros and cons of the two insurance options our employer provides. Cost, previous experience, stress of choosing new doctors. Neither one was going to cover our fertility treatments moving forward so that wasn't an issue. I really wanted to switch providers because I didn't want to be insured by the one …

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This is just a thought

She wrote about how much better her life was now that she was a mom. Triggered. I was immediately angry. Bitter. Sad. Resentful. The "Why Me's" crashed over me for a few minutes, and then I pressed stop. I made myself pick apart why this particular post made me feel that way. Two years into …

One Year

One Year. One whole year since my doctor pronounced us infertile and changed our world forever. Two years of hoping and trying for a baby. 27 cycles. 5 rounds of IUI. Months of various medications. At least a dozen self administered shots. A ridiculous amount of at home ovulation and pregnancy tests. Too many uncomfortable …

Messy Middle

I keep waiting for the happy ending. The triumphant victory of two hard won pink lines that leads to joy with our loved ones and concludes with a gorgeous baby of our own. It hasn't happened yet. We are still in the middle. The messy middle of no. The never ending cycle of grief. The …

Runaway

Did you ever run away from home as a kid? Maybe your feelings were hurt or you got in trouble. Maybe you were overwhelmed by just how big life was when you were so small. It's practically a rite of passage. I asked my mom for a good story about me running away, and I …

Sliver of Hope

Why doesn’t this ever get any easier?  How do you get through the tough times?  My biggest fear is that this will never happen for me. To say that I understood when friends shared these concerns with me is an understatement. Being able to honestly say, "I know how you feel" in this situation is …